If I don’t know, I can’t grow.

A client (Tommy Foster - American Greetings) offered this to me recently: “If I don’t know, I can’t grow.” Surely this is true! To learn, to know, to grow, we must be curious and unafraid to challenge our assumptions.  Perhaps even more importantly, we must welcome the perspectives of others.   In short, we must be willing to accept and embrace feedback. 

Some of my greatest lessons, my moments of profound transformation, have been the direct result of feedback from others.

When my two sons were in their early teens, I felt as if something was missing in our relationship.  I sensed that there was a distance, a feeling that they couldn’t trust me entirely.  So I took them to dinner and asked them straightforwardly, “What do you think about your dad?”  They were quiet, they looked at each other, and they didn’t really know what to say.  I knew in that moment that I was on to something.  They did not feel free to speak what was in their heart.  I had to show they could trust me by being willing to accept the criticism that I know was about to come.  Finally one of them said, “Dad, you embarrass us when you yell at us at our ballgames.” Boom. I EMBARRASSED them.  In a nutshell, they were telling me that if I continued to behave as I had been, they’d prefer I not attend.  That really stung.  But I took the feedback, and I stopped.  It wasn’t always easy, as there were many times I wanted to yell.  But I stopped.  Because I had to.  Twenty years later, our relationship is strong, it’s based on trust, and I look back on that moment at that dinner as an inflection point.  I was willing to hear that hard truth and grow from it.

Once I was tasked with improving the performance of our company’s warehouse staff.  I was speaking to them in my often loud, rah-rah manner that I thought would inspire them.  After I finished, I walked through the aisle back towards the front offices and found a young man who had slipped away from our meeting.  He was in tears.  I asked if he was ok? No, he shook his head.  Had I done something wrong? Yes, he nodded.  I was floored.  I wanted to excite this group, to make them feel good about themselves and our mission.  And I had done the opposite.  “Will you tell me what I did?” I asked.   “You yelled at me’” he said, “and that was exactly what my dad would do just before he would hit me.”  Boom.  So I asked for his help.  I explained that I had a tendency to amp up, to get loud, and even though I knew that I meant no harm, I didn’t want to cause him any pain.  Would he, therefore, if he heard me getting too loud, simply raise his hand as a signal for me to settle down?  He would, and he did, and I obliged.  He was happy, he trusted me, and I built a relationship with him that benefited us both.  Again, I heard a hard truth, and I grew from it.

All of us are on an ongoing path of transformation.  Only some of us are making an intentional choice to become more like the person that we wish to become.  It has been said, “Correct a fool, they will hate you.  Correct a wise person, and they will appreciate you.” 

Be a champion today by searching for and digesting feedback properly so you can continue your journey of growing into the best version of yourself.

Will you be wise, or will you be foolish?

Let’s Grow!

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